Open Letter To Every Newly Married Friend!

It was one of the happiest days of my life. Seeing you as a bride and more importantly, a happy one, would be a memory I will cherish throughout my life. Whenever you looked at your better half, I could see the love and trust needed in such a special relationship. You've finally found that special person, or may be, he found you, or even better, you both found each other.

However, I couldn't help but say that this day has also made me realize that it's time for me to take a small step back. It's time for your better half to fill the space that I had occupied. Although, it makes me feel insecure, I genuinely understand, accept and want him to take that place of best friend in your life.

                                                                     

But, I want to make some promises from the depth of my heart.

I promise, I'll be patient and wait to wish you birthday after he wishes you first and will step back when you have a dilemma of whom to offer the first piece of cake. I'll understand when you reveal that big news to him first and then to me. I'll accept the priorities of your life when you give my birthday a miss to celebrate his big day. I'll not mind when you share the drink with him, like we did.

I'll understand when you, liberately or deliberately, hide things from me, just because you don't feel like disclosing your inside jokes. I'll not mind when you say, 'you'll not understand' when you share your marriage problems. I'll always be on your side, whenever you need me. I'll be content being second on your emergency dial list. I'll not complain when you postpone our plans of doing things together for your family commitments. I'll still be happy if you spare time to call me on my birthday and talk heartily.

And here are the list of promises, I seek from you. 

That you'll, atleast, read the messages I send you. Share your problems, even if you feel I'll not understand them. Never apologize to cancel or postpone our meetings for your family. That you'll never let the memories you have of me fade away from your mind. And, finally, wish me on my birthday in person or through a telephone call, but not in whatsapp or Facebook.

Your Wedding Invitation and Scars of Love!

As I saw you walking towards me, all the moments we spent together - right from the first time I saw you in that black dress to the first kiss - flashed in my mind. I was looking at you trying to avoid any eye-contact. I waved at you like the first time we met; you chose to give a humble smile and continued to walk, as I followed you.

It seemed different walking with you, I was never used to your silence - never wanted to get used to it. As we walked from the parking lot, my ears were longing to hear you speak, to hear you blabber, like you did the last time we came here - your words filling my existence, hands slipping into mine and eyes looking through my soul. I looked at you, you were calm as moon, while my whole being was at unrest like the waves in ocean.

In those 232 seconds of walk, I looked at you 200 times, I stumbled four times, but you looked at me 0 times. I opened the door of the restaurant for you. Thank you, you said below your breath, that was the first time you talked to me in weeks, after my repeated requests to meet you. You replied after my 50 messages with address of the place and time of meeting.

You brought out a cream-colored invitation card and passed it on to me. I held it carefully, despite knowing it was something I want to destroy. I gave a fake smile and read your name on your wedding card. I liked the font and the way letter S was stretched to link it with the groom’s name. You were seated quietly, while my emotions were in chaos watching my world, my universe slipping out of my life and I’m helplessly trying to hold back the fading fleck.

I laughed, remembering that it was the same place where you placed your head on my shoulder and filled the gap of my fingers, saying, ‘I want to marry you, only you!’ ‘I promise,’ I said that day. I’m sorry.

I looked at you to check if the same thought crossed your mind. You looked at me, straight into my eyes, after what felt like ages. My eyes brimmed, blurring the vision.

‘Bye,’ you said and started walking towards the door. I stood there holding your wedding invitation and the scars you left on my soul!

*Image Courtesy: Transcending Oblivion

Life: You have it figured out? Think again!

Life! Undoubtedly, the biggest mystery. 

Just when you think you have it all figured out, it give will give you such a major thud that you'll wonder - where the hell am I going? Or, what the hell am I doing? You'll wonder how everything that seemed clear and unambiguous, has suddenly blurred, which is often worse than getting blind.

They say, life throws struggles at you to make you feel alive. Life is something that wakes you up in the middle of the night after you put yourself to sleep with great difficulty. Life is something that will push you to write down your feelings, but with a question mark of where to begin. Life is something that will make you feel warmer walking on empty roads on a cold night rather than sitting among people. 

                                                                      

When you whine over people not understanding you or misunderstanding you, life will tell you that it's never about what they feel about you, rather about your conscience. Sometimes you try to live in the memories, which seems much dear and happy than the present; but those moments were also your 'present' sometime back. Like a quote says, 'The future is scary, but you can't just run back to the past because it's familiar. Yes it's tempting, but it's a mistake'.

In the dark of the night, you hold all those memories tight, afraid and unwilling to let them go and face the life. Life can be happy, sad, challenging, disappointing, hurtful, hateful or loving, but never constant. Life is like ocean, when you see it from a hilltop it might seem appealing and beautiful, but only when you stand facing it, you'll understand its strength to snatch you away from the ground and whirl you around.

But then again, life is about getting yourself lost, only to find the real you!

Life teaches you to live!

Stand up and look around – Everything and everyone around will seem chaotic, incomplete, and utter distress. You will come across the shreds of human emotions abandoned and un-cared for. But look a little closer, a little deeper, you'll realize each one of them is trying to survive, trying to get past this day – some with broken and depressed dreams and some in hope of a better tomorrow.

But, they are living, moving on in life weaving new dreams each day – which they are not sure will be fulfilled – they are hoping. They put up a smile and survive the odds of life. They are not fake, but brave – brave enough to face life each day instead of its blows that break them down. They get up and smile at life, each day.

You might think your life is unworthy of living, your heart unworthy of love, your feelings unworthy of being felt – You are not alone; everyone feels that way and it's not because we are unworthy, rather because we are vulnerable – vulnerable to emotions, to love. And that vulnerability is driven from passion, we thrive for passion.

                                                                             

You might have to face the moment when someone breaks your trust, when you lose someone, when you see your dreams shattered to the fragments of imagination, when you feel helpless and overpowered. You might curse life for that, hate your luck. But life isn't about that moment, life is what teaches you to wipe your tears off and look away from darker side. Life is what makes you realize that you are strong – stronger than you ever thought you are!

Life is what keeps to pushing to the brighter side!

Hope – You can do it!

You have a dream, you try to achieve it. You give up all the pleasures, you give up every other important thing, you’ll stop going to social gatherings – trying to achieve that one dream you'll give up your sleep.  Your aching eyes only make you feel closer to achieving it.

It can’t be done! You’ll fail! People around you will mock you, try to stop you, make fun of you and try to drift you away from your ambition. You’ll overcome every challenge. However, you might not succeed in achieving your dream – you’ll work and work.

Only when you realize that meaning of a dream is not achieving it, but enjoying the journey to it, you’ll achieve the success, which is the satisfaction of spending each day with hope. Because hope is the primary feeling that man survives and thrives on!

                                                               

Image courtesy: goodreads.com

Letters for you: When it wasn't time!

To someone I stayed awake for

Talking to you all day became a part of my life and slowly, but eventually, I became a part of your life. I became your friend, a close one, so much so that you came down from your apartment upon my request at 12’o clock in the midnight.

“What are you doing here, at this time?” you said with a cute shrug and smile. With a side braid and absolutely no make-up, I saw the most beautiful girl standing along with me.

How many times, how many times will you make me feel vulnerable with your subtlety!

“A ride?” I said you patting on the pillion seat of my bike. You raised your brow and folded your hands.

“Just kidding,” I said, drawing out a thermos from the bike pouch, “How about a cup of tea?”

You smiled. “Ok, I feel I understand what you’re trying to do here.”

“What are you talking about? I’m just trying to have a cup of tea with you,” I said, making myself comfortable on the grass patch adjacent to the parking area.
                                                                              

“I would always have midnight coffees with my apartment friends in Vizag. I so missed that here. Thank you!” you said holding my hand. I smiled and handed you your cup.

“Umm, wow,” you said sipping the tea, “Don’t tell me you made it.”

I laughed, “I pray guilty your honor, I confess I made it.”

"Why are you doing this for me?" you asked, holding the cup with both your hands.

"Ah, honestly, I'm not doing anything for you; I'm actually tring to make it a date!" I winked. You chuckled.

"Can I ask you something?" you asked.

I knew we are meant to be. But I wanted to do much more before earning your love. I wanted to make you the happiest person in the world.

"It isn't time yet," I smiled.

You looked deep into my eyes – a look that I can never forget in my life!

From someone who stayed awake to fulfill your dreams

Letters for you: The best Coffee I ever had!

To someone I had the best coffee with,

“Shall we meet?” I typed.

“When and where?” came your reply.

I smiled the happiest smile in my life.

It was a Friday, and you were looking gorgeous wearing a red colored chiffon shirt over black pants. I watched you walking all the way from the cafeteria door to the chair opposite me.

You smiled. I fell in love with you a little more.

You looked at the coffee cup that has been waiting for you to have a sip of. I watched you as your fair long fingers wrapped around the cup and picked it up to your lips, after which I could see only your eyes through the vapor rising from the coffee. It was the best coffee I ever had, and I guess you know why!

“So, how did you get my mail ID?”

“How wouldn’t I get?” I said with a boastful smile.

“Yea, how difficult that would’ve been for someone who traced my Facebook ID,” she said before taking one more sip. I wore a guilty expression.

We talked for 15 minutes and 30 seconds, including the time I walked you till your work station. Our first 15 minutes and 30 seconds together!

Although I already knew much of what you said, I felt closer to you listening that again from you.  Born and brought up in Vizag, you moved to Hyderabad for your graduation and got a job here. I still laugh at the way you said ‘and I ended up here with this job’. I made a vow at that very moment to make you feel like you’re at your hometown.

From someone who vowed to make you happy.






*Image courtesy of Shutterstock

Letters for you: When I was too happy to sleep!

To someone whose memories keep me awake all night

“Beautifully drawn…appreciated :)”

I read your message and recalled the first meeting of ours.

You were standing near my desk, looking at the painting I had put up there a day before. Indian epic warrior Arjuna stretches his bow string, pointing an arrow against his great grandfather and invincible warrior Bheeshma who lets his bow to slip from his hand. Bheeshma adorns a content smile, while Arjuna’s eyes curtained with tears.

I said hi, in probably the most awkward way possible. You turned to me.

“Is that yours? Where did you get it?” you asked.

“Ah, actually, I painted it.”

Oh, I’m very sorry!” you said biting your tongue, “It’s very beautiful. I’m sorry.”

I took a picture of the painting and sent it to you through Facebook Messenger. I waited all the day for your reply, which didn’t come until two days. You never revealed the reason for a delay of two days.

                                                                        

After the excitement and intimidation consumed me, I replied ‘Thank You.’, that must have been a very simple message for you, but for me it took 12 times of typing and deleting. I know you don’t believe it even now and would raise your brows like you did when I first told you – I kissed you, then.

A week passed with both of us stealing glances at each other, and neither of us gathering courage to come up and speak.

I sent you the next painting of the series: Bheeshma lying on the bed of arrows and Arjuna, stooped to his knees and head hung. His famed bow, Gandiva, beside him, abandoned.

“Again beautifully drawn” you replied.

“Really?”

“Yes, it is. So, are you painting the whole Mahabharata series?”

“No, just the scenes between Arjuna and Bheeshma; theirs' is the most uncelebrated relation.”

“Exactly!” you said and began our conversation which went on until 12:10, when you said you were going to ‘doze off’! I stayed up all night reading our conversation. I was in love!

From someone who’s awake waiting for your text

*Picture Courtesy of HinduHumanRights

Letters for you: Your first message to me!

To someone who messaged me happiness

Your first message to me!

I know I’ve skipped a part here, but I had waited enough for this instance, to describe how I felt the moment I saw your name on my cell phone.

Oh, how can I – how can anyone – describe a moment so intimidating? How can anyone describe the moment when your heart-beats is the only sound you could hear?How can anyone describe an intense gush of feeling so strong that you fear it might destroy your soul?

I just sat looking at the notification, too happy to open the text; actually, too terrified of its contents.

                                                                           

All the same, I couldn’t stop myself for long from reading it.

“Beautifully drawn…appreciated J”

I read it. Re-read it. Re-read it. Re-read it. The more times I read, the more I realized how much I love you and I read it again. I never thought that a message – three words – 27 letters – could give me so much happiness, which could last for so long – forever.

That one moment became such a treasure that I can trade my soul to revisit it.

Thank you for the message that gave me an example to understand the beauty of love, that gave me a reason to believe in love, that gave me hope to seek your love, which I did and which I will do for the rest of my life – in my merry and my dejection, in my joy and my solitude – thanking you for your first message to me.

Thank you for the message!

From someone who thanks you for that one message.

Letters for you: When I wanted to be close to you!

To someone I wanted to be close with,

Thank you, Google Maps!

There was a time when people looked at the moon, to convince themselves that they aren’t very far away from their loved ones; but now pining lovers use Google Maps to feel themselves closer to their special someone. At least I do!

I look at the vague image of your building that Google Maps offers and wondering what time you come up on to the terrace – probably evening I told myself. I imagined you strolling around in your loose white t-shirt, your hairs tied up and feet bare. Looking at the setting sun flaring its last rays for the day – subtle, yet bright and yes, the wind always knows the right time to make its presence felt.

                                                                         

I checked for the distance to your house from my place – 20km or 50 minutes, seven minutes more from my grandmother’s home and 20 minutes from the office. The Chocolate Room we always met at was 10 minutes from your house and its placement was nicely enveloped around by huge apartment buildings. Yes, it was this reason I always insisted on meeting there and not because I love Russian Paninos there.

I know it might come off as if I’m stalking you, but hell with it. I pray guilty as charged!

Love makes you do all the crazy things, which seem ingenious and necessary at that moment. But, the only crazy thing I was doing was dreaming, dreaming of being with you. Being a part of your life!

From someone who was always around

Letters for you: When I made you my world!

To someone I made my world,

‘I hate weekends!’ I said.

‘You hate weekends because you’re too lazy to make any plans?’ you said with an irritated face, before I held your arm and lightly pulled you near me to say, ‘I hate weekends because I don’t get to spend as much time with you as I do on weekdays.’

The first weekend after I realized I’m in love with you was the longest and tiring, with me just knowing your first name, I spent two days scanning Facebook to find your account. I recollected every face I’ve seen around you and checked if anyone of them was in my friends list. I lost count of how many of them I’ve visited. But when I saw your picture, every ounce of pain I had in my eyes felt worthy of it.

Your delicate face, dainty eyes and a spellbinding smile – magical!

                                                                          

Everytime I saw you in the office, I felt the magic, probably, the one Calvin said in the movie ‘Ruby Sparks’ – One may see this and think its magic; but falling in love is an act of magic.

I watched your favorite movie, If Only, whenever I missed you – that was almost every minute. I felt closer to you knowing that you too have watched this movie. I wondered where you’d have smiled, what dialogue touched your heart and what moment made you sad; did you watch this movie on your laptop and closed your eyes when Jennifer Love Hewitt sang ‘Love will show you everything’, like I’m doing right know?

‘One day when youth is just a memory

I know you'll be standing right next to me’

You walked by me, smiling, your eyes lit up in excitement, unaware of my existence, while I made you my world!

You became so important that I became incomplete without you. My laugh wasn’t loud enough and my smile wasn’t hearty; your smile was the only thing that made me happy!

I hope you’ll be around to share this story with me when this time will just be a memory!

I just hope!

From someone who hoped for impossible.