Monday 24 December 2012

Matter of Hearts: Being loved is an addiction!!

        I saw a couple walking beside me. They were not talking much but those smiling faces vouched for their happiness of being together. I was there too, walking with someone; feeling happy in someone’s presence. She was a friend, just a good friend, but her existence always made me feel lively. She isn’t a part of my life anymore; she just drifted away leaving me wondering why do I miss her so much even though she was just a friend; even though I have many friends around who love me too.
 
                    May be, because, being loved is an addiction!                         
                                                         


           Ever wondered why you feel that hollow space in your heart when your phone doesn’t ring like the other days, when the name that appeared on the screen consistently for months doesn’t pop up. The void you feel when a voice that was always in your ears calling out your name innumerable times seems lost in the silent noise. You get restless; you freak out thinking why you are not shown that love. That person might be your friend, alright, but why does that chill passes through your spine when that air of missing hugs you. Ever wondered what is it exactly that you are missing – that person or the feeling of being with them? The way they make you feel or their very existence makes you feel happy?

          To be honest, we are all selfish beings. It’s only the way they make us feel, the feeling of being with that person is what matters to us. We are all suckers for love! Let’s not deny that. We want love, we want to be loved. It is the most dangerous addiction – being loved is the most painful addiction. It might feel good as long as you have the source for it, but when it runs out and when you start to feel it drying up, it is then that it shows its vexing side. And yes, it hurts way too bad.

          When you see your friend moving away, when you realize that you both are drifting apart you sense a hard blow on your chest that you can’t explain. You try to hold on to that person, giving one more chance to your relationship. That is when you sense how deep you have sunk in that addiction. And you realize there’s no way out...!!

Thursday 11 October 2012

Do you remember that boulevard?!



Do you remember that boulevard?
The boulevard we walked upon,
             everyday of the yore
In the days of yore,
             when the words were endless, but
                        path was curt!!

Do you remember that boulevard?
That placid path, where
            legs felt meek
Every step we took, made
            us feel lighter
Perhaps, it helped us shed
            the onus that we carried
                        in our hearts
And buried it in itself with no dissent!!

Do you remember that boulevard?
Which when ended made us feel
            dejected and down
and when we looked into
            each other's eyes
Lips trembling to say,
'Is this it?
Is this the end of our amble together?
Why not steal away few more minutes?'
Instead, we smiled,
  'See you again!'
and we head ourselves saying!


Do you remember that boulevard?
Which we used to walk upon;
Unaware of the steps we took,
Ignorant of the direction we turned.
That boulevard, do you remember?
No one walks there now,
Not even me!
Afraid, it might confine me to
            those memories of us!
Afraid, it might author a rendezvous
            with those moments of warmth!
Rather, it lies there,
            silent and deserted;
Unfazed and gloomy,
            it stares at me
The calmess it holds is, as
            if to mock every sound,
            every secret of us
it clenched tight to its heart, for all this time!!
As I turned around, to
            escape its glare,
the question stood against me,
            bare and raw

Do you remember that boulevard?
which you used to walk upon!!!

Tuesday 9 October 2012

My path alone...!!


Amidst the hundred glaring blinkers of light
I stood alone;
as I stood alone,
I watched everyone walking away
and I saw, among them, some
who were with me,
are no longer there
to hold weak me!
I raised a step to almost say,
‘wait for me,
I’ll come along!’
‘No!’ said my heart, instead, moving back
it’s my life, my path alone, I
have to walk here with no mate!!
           

Got in a train, with many others,
thought, then, I'm not alone, but
fallacy of mine was
crueller than a dream; as I
saw faces change with every stop!
it’s no moving train, no trees moving, it’s
just your life on a drifting spree!!
Everyone’s on a journey of their own and, so,
you don’t say,
‘wait for me,
I’ll come along!’
It’s your life, your path alone, you
have to walk here with no mate!!

Saturday 29 September 2012

It shall pass...!!!

Watching the window grill,
watching the rain drops drooping from it
watching the agony of them leaving each other
fools they were to have thought,
together, they were meant to be always, not
while they were destined...!!!
                     

I laughed despising their ignorance;
I sneered at their innocence
Be-calmingly as I walked to window grill,
realized a tear drop just near my chin
Jerking it off; I said, 'you are no mirror
to reflect my pain, but an oriel to show the worldly bane.'
Ran my fingers over the grill, setting
it free from the transient bond.

The next day came the glistening sun, filling
the window with the cheerful blaze; the grill shone bright and gay
and with no trace of woe...!!
The glint of it was chuckling now,
scorning at my tear-stains-as if to say-
Holding onto something that's not yours, never meant to be,
never will you achieve, even
if you cry your life out...!!
With the rain the drops should sag off,
with the tears the pain should slip by;
Let the time soothe your ache,
                   wiping your tears
With the moment passing, away from you
your pain too shall pass away
your pain shall pass away,
It shall pass away...!!! 

Friday 25 May 2012

I just...fell for her...!! (part 7; last part)

   'Are you kidding me?' Karthik retorted, 'you were with her all night, you talked to her, you listened to songs, but you forgot to ask her phone number?'
   'She even said I'm her friend' I said under my breath.
   'Have you changed your mind or what?' he asked picking up his file.
   'I love her more than ever now.'
   'Go and tell her that.'
   'But she's leaving today.'
   'And I'm leaving now,' he said and closed the door behind him.


   The trashing of the tides pierced the sound of the kids' giggling. I was at the beach which, contrary to the previous night, was full of people of all age groups. I was feeling lonely though. My phone beeped. It was around 5:30 in the evening. A message from Karthik was flashed on the screen. Come to vizag stn...urgntly!!
   Wow! He arranged a send off to Aishwarya I said to myself and hired an auto to the railway station. I reached platform no.10 on his instructions through SMSes.
   I saw him sitting on the bench; he was wearing the same formals that he wore for the interview this morning.
   'Is she leaving in this train?' I asked him. He nodded.
   'You've come here directly from the interview?' I asked again. He gave the same response.
   'Where's your file?' I asked, casually.
   He looked at me. 'Ah, they are coming,' he said excitedly.
   'Hey,' Ami came forward, 'what are you doing here?' she asked. I was looking at Aishwarya. She seemed happy at my presence.
   'We've come to give you guys a sendoff,' I said.
   'That's so sweet of you,' said Ami and threw her hands around me. I was taken aback by her gesture and so was Aishwarya. She swiftly boarded the train without looking at me. But my eyes followed her.
   I was there for half-an-hour talking to Ami, Karthik was busy talking to his girl. I didn't get a chance to talk to Aishwarya, all I could get was a few glances from her.She peeped out of window couple of times and before I could smile she took her eyes off.
                 Why is she avoiding me?
   The driver signalled that its time for the departure through the ear-deafening horn. My heart skipped a beat. Look at me Aishwarya. I want to talk to you.
   'Bye Sumeet,' Ami said with a hug and boarded the train.
   'Don't you want to talk to her?' Karthik whispered in my ear, 'Go get in the train.' I jumped into the train and my friend followed.
   'What?' Ami was surprised.
   'Just wanted to say bye,' I said looking at Aishwarya.
   'How will you get down now?' she sounded more happy than worried. I looked at Karthik and even he was anything but worried.
   'We'll get down at the next station,' he said calmly.
   'What if T.T....?'
   'Stop worrying,' Karthik chided and walked into the adjacent compartment. 'Where are you going now?' I asked but in vain.
   'Wow!' Ami exclaimed, 'it must be thrilling right? I will try it sometime.'
   Which part? I thought. I smiled, shrugging off.
   I didn't stop looking at Aishwarya and as I see it she was trying hard to avoid me. But why?
   And expectantly T.T. appeared expectantly. 'You look pale,' Ami noticed. I actually was.
'I'll go and look for Karthik,' saying so I left looking for him, who was lying on a berth. relaxed in the next compartment.
   'Ticket please,' I heard those dreaded lines after couple of minutes. I looked at him and was making up a story to escape the consequences.
   'Here,' KArthik flashed a wide sheet of paper resembling ticket. He checked them and left without expressing any objection. I looked at Karthik amazed. 'I bought the tickets,' he said coolly.
   'When?'
   'Today morning.'
   'Why didn't you tell me?' I charged towards him.
   'Wanted to give you a surprise,' he said laughing.
   'Surprise? I was scared to hell!' I punched on his arm. He continued laughing.
   'How did you to get them?'
   'When you were busy dating the coffee girl, I managed to get in contact with a broker who promised to give me tickets if I paid him a few extra bucks,' he laid back.
   I hugged him, 'Thanks, man.'
   'Get away, you freak. I'm not a gay like you,' he teased, 'I didn't do this to get a mushy hug from you. Go get your girl.' 
   'He didn't throw you off?' Ami welcomed me back. I sneered. She laughed and Aishwarya was witnessing silently. Why is she behaving so strange?
                                                                                                                                                                       

   'You guys busy?' it was Aishwarya, finally. But she was avoiding any eye contact.
   'No!'
   'Yes!' Both the answers came at the same time. No was from me and yes from Ami.
   'You can spare sometime for dinner, atleast,' she said irritatedly.
   'We'll eat together,' declared Ami. 
   'I can't. Karthik's all alone there.' It was over an hour now.

   'Sumeet,' I heard Ami calling. I had dinner with Karthik and he went back to sleep immediately.
   'I can't sleep when I'm travelling. Would you accompany me?' she asked and before I could answer anything  she pulled my hand, 'let's go.'
   As we were approaching her compartment, Aishwarya intersected us and her eyes directed her towards our interlocked hands. What the hell?!
   'You hitting on her?' she asked, she noticed my constant glances I guess.
   'No,' I blurted out.
   'Good. Else my brother will kill you,' she smiled notoriously.
   'Your brother?' I asked, shocked.
   'Yea,' she widened her eyes, 'her boyfriend Adni'k is my brother,' she announced. My fuse blew off. And I thought everything is falling in place for me! Thank God I didn't tell her anything about my interest in her brother's girl.
   'What happened?' she shook me.
   'Nothing,' I said faintly. I'm such an idiot to have thought that she will help me with Aishwarya!!


   It was morning and I went looking for Aishwarya first thing. I felt relieved looking at her standing alone at the door, while rest of her coterie were warming beds. 
   'Good morning,' I said trying to be cheerful. She didn't respond.
   'You angry with me?' I asked. 
   'Why would I be angry with you? Who are you, anyway?' she snapped.
   'I'm Sumeet. You said I'm your friend,' I smiled.
   She looked at me, was about to say something, instead she went back.
   'There's nothing between me and Ami, I swear,' I said, a little louder. 
   'Keep your voice low,' she moved towards me. 'What did I do?' I asked.
   'Why do you bother to know if I'm angry?' she was close to tears.
   'I do because...,' I held myself, 'I just do.'
   She turned and started to walk back; I held her hand. It was soft and cold.
   'Because I care about you. I want you to be happy,' I stopped to clear the lump in my throat, 'I want to make you happy!'
   She made no attempts to take her hand back. I moved forward and wiped off the warm tear off her cheek. 'And I care about you because I love you. I want to love you my whole life!'
   And thus, I proposed her, in a train running at the speed of 80kmph (our hearts beating faster though), between two open doors through which wind was battling to peep in, my one hand in hers and other on her cheek. I wanted to hear the same three words from her, so I stopped.
   'What's going on here?' I heard, from Ami. And the next thing that I strongly remembered was a tight slap across my face. 'I hate you' was the sound accompanying with it. Both from Ami, obviously. That was the last time I saw Aishwarya.
   Its four months now and I'm not over her. I was again at the point I started but with a few beautiful memories. Its 9th April today and my birthday. I didn't pick any calls last night and so my cell was filled with many missed calls and messages. My phone rang suddenly and unknowingly I pressed answer button. 'Happy birthday, Sumeet,' the voice said. Do I know this voice? 'I tried your number all night,' It said again.
'Aishwarya?' I said, my heart beating slow.
'I love you!' she said in a choked voice.
That was the most memorable day of my life that ended with a perfect kiss between me and Aishwarya!!

This isn't really the end of the story because love stories have no endings and in this special case their love has just begun!!!

Saturday 19 May 2012

I just...fell for her...!! (part 6)

'That was a nice song,' she smiled, 'simple but still touching. How come I never heard this song?'
'Well, simple things often go unnoticed among the worldly glitter,' I snapped.
'I agree,' she said with guilt in her voice and her hand up.
'Can you play it again?' she requested.
'I can do that all my life,' I said below my breath.
It started again and the magic was recreated again. She soaked herself in each word of it and I with every sight of her!
'I just can't get enough of it,' she said.
'I understand,' I played the song again.


'I want to walk,' she announced after sometime.
'Can I join?'
'Obviously!' she smiled.
We walked for sometime without uttering a single word, just exchanged glances whenever the water touched our feet. And whenever it happened, her expressions were priceless - her glistening eyes, innocent smile and her sweet short squeal.
She looked at me deeply and smiled. 'Thank you,' she said after a long silence.
'For?'
'I always wanted to come here at this time; but never had the guts to come down alone.' My question was still unanswered. 'I saw you walking down the road at around 10 and so had a chance of coming over here. Its better to be with the known stranger than being alone,' she added with a smile.
'Be with a known stranger than being alone,' I repeated.
'We are friends now, I hope.'
Why is God being so kind to me? I thought Why is everything falling in place for me?
Less than a month ago, I just had a picture of her to look at, but now I almost spent a night in her company; she calls me her friend. I wouldn't be surprised if I go insane.


                                                       
'What?' she called.
'Huh?'
'What are you thinking?'
'Life can be so surprising sometimes.'
'Yeah. I prefer the word mysterious, though,' she slowed down, 'Our decisions would've been better if life was predictable. If we knew what's in store for us.'
'Well I like it this way. Sometimes we should just let our fate play its game,' I recollected Karthik's words.
'You wouldn't be thinking that if you were in my place,' she said, her voice dripped in pain.
I stopped walking and for the first time stood infront of her and looked straight into her eyes, 'What is it?'
'Nothing,' she hung her face.
'Its about your relationship, isn't it?'
'I think, I rushed into a relationship with him; we were good friends and so presumed I would be happy with him. But...' she stopped midway and turned her face towards the sea.
I held her face and turned it back towards me. The moment I touched her face, I felt like a petal like softness and feared harming it. 'I won't push you, but want to tell you one thing- everyone wants to be happy, and in their pursuit they make some mistakes. There's no wrong in it. You always have a second chance!'
She looked at me, moved a bit closer to my face, but went back suddenly.
For a moment I thought she would kiss me, she instead nodded and smiled.
We sat there again looking at the sea and listening to the songs. 'Whoa, your playlist is full of slow romantic songs,' she remarked.
'I like such songs,' I said which earned a look of her peaked brows.
'What?' I asked. She shook her head innocently.

'WOW!' she exclaimed.
I felt a sudden gush of excitement in my heart at the sight of huge fireball peeping out from the sea, emitting rays which reflected on the surface of the sea, turning it into a blanket of sparks.
'Its so beautiful!' she was thrilled.
But sadness creeped into my heart that the time I had with her was up.

'So, you guys leaving today?' I asked.
'Yeah, today evening.' She looked at me differently. Didn't she want to go? I thought.
 I could hardly smile when she baded me good bye.
'Thanks for everything. Had the best time of my life,' she said before leaving.
I watched her till she was out of my sight, afraid that she might just walk out of my life!!

Tuesday 15 May 2012

I just...fell for her...!! (part 5)

   'What the hell is she doing here?!' I said to myself.
   'You Sumeet, right?' she said, smiling a little more brightly than in the afternoon. I never thought these would be the first words I'll be hearing from her.
   It was Aishwarya!
   Yes, yes I'm Sumeet! I'm your Sumeet I wanted to shout, but could only manage to nod.
   'I won't disturb you,' she said again.
   I want you to disturb me I wanted to say, but this time my lips only broadened. What? Have you lost your power of speech? my heart chided.
   She sat a few feet away from me, on my right; her legs half stretched and hands curled around knees.She threw her hairs on her right, staring morosely at the sea. Her eyes brimmed with sadness. I didn't want to see her like this! She closed her eyes, fearing they might just drizzle, perhaps! A thin quiff, against her wish, swayed away from its peers; it teased her by touching her cheeks and brushing her lips occasionally. She looked like a beautiful painting with that dark blue background of the sky and sea with just a hint of difference in their shade. Her melancholic expressions added to the mystic of our surroundings.
   What is she thinking about? I thought About her boyfriend? More likely replied my heart. I don't really want her to love me. I can spend my whole life just looking at her and I would never complain! I told my heart. It had no reply.
   She opened her eyes and caught me staring at her, I smiled and she responded hesitatingly. 'Your friends must be wondering about you,' I said. She said something which was hushed by growling of sea.
   She moved a bit closer, 'They must be sleeping peacefully,' she replied, with a little laugh, 'but you must be thinking what am I doing here at this hour, na?' she added.

   'Do you read minds?' I said. She laughed. And then there was silence again(except for the roaring of the sea).
   'Its marvelous,' she mumbled a little louder.
   'I've never seen anything more beautiful,' I said looking at her. She was looking at the sea.
   'Its so..' she was looking for a word to complete her appraisal.
   'Serene,' I suggested.
   'Yeah,' she smiled gleefully.
         
                                                                     
   She looked at her feet, the water was touching them and ebbing away. It was amusing her and that fascinated me.
   'So you and Ami pretty close?' she asked.
   'This is the second time we've met actually,' I said with a little laugh, 'but we gelled quite well.'
   'Really?' she asked and looked eagerly at me.
   I nodded and went on to narrate our first meeting. She laughed hysterically. I was happy I could change her mood.
   'You seem to have a bad temper, should be careful with you,' she teased.
   'I was just disappointed about something,' I said, my head hung low in embarrassment.
   'So it was about a girl,' she said excitedly. I looked at her, surprised.
   'What?' she read my expressions, 'I read minds, you forgot?'
   'Ahan,' I exclaimed.
   'So, who's she?' she asked instantly, turning towards me; her eyes enthusiastic.
   Its you! I said without disturbing my lips. 'Someone I didn't know anything about,' I said stealing my  eyes away.
   'Now you know about her?'
   'Only that she has a boyfriend,' I said, my voice falling a tone lower.
   'You serious about her?' she asked sensing my dismay. I smiled assuringly.
   'You'll get her,' she said firmly.
   'Only if I deserve her,' I chipped in.
   'You do,' she said, 'I can see in your eyes how much you love her!'
   That moment, the way she was looking at me, I wanted to grab her in my arms and kiss her all night! But I held myself from doing anything crazy(you'll do all the crazy things that you can't explain came to my mind). She turned her gaze towards the sea.
   'And,' I said tentatively, 'you have a boyfriend?' She nodded, without looking at me.
   'I guess you are missing him,' I said. She didn't reply.
   I crossed the line I thought. 'Who cares?' she said after a long pause. She meant he definitely doesn't care if she misses him perhaps.
   'What are you listening to?' she was charged up, all of a sudden.
   'Bap Kennedy.' She made a question mark on her face. 'Irish singer,' I said, 'its an English song,' I added quickly.
   'Can I join?' she asked carefully.
   Hell yess!!! I wanted to jump in the air. 'Yeah, sure,' I said mildly, passing her right part of the earphone. She moved more closer; now she was just a few inches away from me. I played the song which replicated my situation. 

I can feel my heart and its fit to burst...
.....

wish I could fall on a night like this...
into your loving arms for a moonlight kiss...

.....
you got someone else...(felt a blow on my chest)
.....
I would trade it all...for a moonlight kiss....


Girl I would really trade my life, if not for a kiss, for a few more moments with you!! I thought looking at her.

 
The night's not over yet. Its going to be a long one, for sure...!!! ;)

Saturday 12 May 2012

I just...fell for her...!! (part 4)

   'She is...,' she said, my heart throbbing intensely, 'my friend,' I could feel the cool sweat on my feet,                'Aishwarya.' As if this slow motion was not enough, it now felt like everything has stopped for a moment. I looked at her. Is that really her? Man, she's so beautiful! Her face looked so fresh, like a morning flower! Is that really her? my heart asked again.
   Ami's voice broke my reverie. 'He's Sumeet and his friend Karthik,' she said. Aishwarya smiled feebly and walked away to join her friends. Her swift vanishment created some uneasiness.
   'Hey, remember,' said Ami catching up with same excitement, 'you owe me a cup, sorry, half a of coffee.'
   'How about today evening?' I suggested, not able to stop my self from stealing a glance at Aishwarya! Ami noticed it, but acted unaware.

   'Fine with me,' she responded with a smile.
   'OK then, see you at chocolate room at R.K. beach..'
   '5:30,' she completed my words before joining her friends.
   'Finally,' said Karthik after Ami left, 'you are smiling.'
   I was grinning actually!

   'When will you girls be leaving?' I asked, stirring whatever little left of my coffee. We were there for more than half an hour, talking about our past years and everything. She was a lively person always smiling radiantly.
   'Tomorrow evening,' she said looking into my eyes. I hid my dissapointment. 'And you?' she asked.
   'I don't know. May be a couple of days,' I shrugged.
   'Hey, I hope you didn't mind Aishwarya's elusiveness,' she said, 'she's out of mood these days.'
   I was dying to bring up her topic from the moment we have come here. 'And why is that so?' I asked. We bonded so well in last half an hour that I didn't hesitate to ask her that after she initiated.
   'Her relationship is not going well.'
   I sighed showing sympathy but inside I was bursting with happiness.

   'But don't worry they'll be back together. They make a picture perfect couple,' she said. And my heart was bursting again with rather opposite feeling this time! She was right though, they did make a picture perfect couple. But you don't fall into love to pose for a perfect picture! my heart protested you fall in love just to love.
   I gulped down the last sip of the coffee.

                                 

   'How was your coffee date with the coffee girl?' Karthik teased.
   'It wasn't a date.'
   'You thought Aishwarya would come with her, didn't you?' he asked laying on the bed.
   'No, I didn't,' I lied.
   'Don't tell me Sumeet,' he laughed.
   'They are leaving tomorrow,' I said slowly.
   'So?' he sat up, 'you have a link with her now.'
   'Ami doesn't know anything. I didn't tell her.'
   'May be your words didn't, but your eyes surely did,' he laid back.
   'What do you mean?'
   'She saw you eyeing Aishwarya all through the lunch,' he smiled impishly.
   'How was your interview?' I quickly changed the topic.
   'It was good. I have a final round tomorrow,' he said confidently.
   'O.K. I'm going to the beach,' I said picking up my iPod and cell phone.
   'Now?' he was visibly shocked. It was 10:15 p.m. I nodded.
   I might be late,' I said, 'don't wait for me. Good night.'
   It was all dark around; though the sea was roaring fiercely, yet it was calm. I sat on the sand, as close as I can without getting wet. Stretching my legs, I plugged in the earphones and closed my eyes. Upon pressing the play button, Bryan Adams started singing 'When you love someone' I smiled and the lyrics went on,
When you love someone 
you'll do anything
you'll do all the crazy things 
that you cant explain...
    I was creaming the sand with my right hand, when I sensed someone coming. I turned back and saw someone, a few feet away, walking towards me. I tried hard to recognize the person in the dark and my eyes widened themselves upon discovering who it is.
    'What the hell is she doing here?!'

Friday 27 April 2012

I just...fell for her...!! (part 3)

    'Vizag!' announced Karthik.
     'I don't want to go anywhere,' I said plainly.  It was now over a week since I last saw Aishwarya's pic.  I missed her.  Though all I had to do to see her was close my eyes, but reading her comments made me feel a little closer to her.  I reminded her words everytime I felt low and that pacified my heart to some extent.  Now my desperation of meeting  her was inflating but my hopes were sinking deep down.
     'Come on.You like beaches,' he protested.
     I kept silent.
     'For Christ's sake, Sumeet!' Karthik held my hand from completing Aishwarya's name in the search bar, 'stop vexing yourself.'
      I kept silent again.
     'You'll get her if you deserve her,' he said.
     'I don't deserve her?' I asked instantly.
     'Even if you do, may be, she doesn't,' he said irritated, 'let the fate play its game!'
     I looked at him. He nodded assumingly.
     It's so good to have a friend I thought no matter what shit they talk, they end up making us feel good!
     I agreed to come with him to Vizag, not because of my ardor for beaches but for him.
     Vishaka Express departed from Secunderabad at 18:00 and we were allotted the side berths. I was happy that they were window seats.
   We sat silently far long, looking out of the window and glancing at each other in between. Perhaps he knew I was still thinking about Aishwarya and so was trying hard to come up with right words to start conversation.
     'Where does she lives?' he asked finally.
     'Who?' I asked trying to be ignorant.
     He gave me you kow who! expressions. I sighed.
     'I donno!' I said and again looking out of the window, 'only her gender was available in her info,' I added, smiling sarcastically.
     'I was just wondering, if we bump into her in Vizag,' he said smilingly.
     I wished that too I said to myself. I just smiled visibly.
     The sky started painting itself with dark shades of blue and soon it was dark. Karthik occupied the upper berth requesting me to sleep soon. I stretched my legs straight and stared at the dark outside through the window. As the night swept the whole sky, it turned pitch dark all around.  There was few blinkers all over.  The ground reflected the sky, with few distant lights imitating the stars and the dark outline of trees filling in as clouds. This illusion hooked my sanity for long with the cool breeze fighting through the window grill worked as sedative and I slipped into deep slumber.
     I blinked my eyes trying to open them wide.  I saw the hazy figure of Karthik sitting right infront of me.  I succeeded in opening my eyes and bringing back myself from the sleep.  He was smiling bright.
     'What?' I asked, straightening myself.  He shook his head.
     'Go freshen up!' he commanded.
     He stretched his hand out offering a cup of coffee ( I guessed) when I sat folding my legs.  I took the paper up labelled 'IRCTC'. I smelled it and had a little sip, that instantly flashed image of the coffee girl and it brought back the memories of that day.  I smiled.
     'Remembering that girl in the coffee shop?' asked Karthik noticing me smile. I nodded.
     We reached Vizag around 7 in the morning, picked up our bags and got down. The station was cramped with people and was no different from other stations.  We hired a vehicle and started off to the place we booked. 'Suvarna Corals, Pandurangapuram,' Karthik reminded the driver again.
     After ten minutes we were driving on the road approaching its end.  And there it was - the SEA.  My eyes lit up and lips stretched to the ears.  I sat calmly though my heart was throbbing inside out!  We reached our destination which was opposite to the sea with just a road in between.  As I got down from the car I launched myself to the beach, but I felt a hand on my shoulder trying to stop me.  'Lets unpack first!' it was Karthik.
   I obliged.  When I ran to our room I banged into the corridor and stood, my mouth open at the sight of that marvelous beauty!

                                                           
     I tried hopping as high as I can, in an attempt to see the other side of the sea but in vain.  I laughed at my oblivion.
     'Lets go!' called Karthik after we he 10 minutes.  I'm coming to you,' I said to the sea.
      Awe struck me like a lightening at the sight of the water current rising high above and crashing down near my feet.  I moved back, yet couldn't stop myself from moving closer to it.  Everytime it splashed, it swept off the sand below my feet.  I sat there for sometime feeling the cuddle of the tides and trying vehemantly to pull me inside - I fought its every challenge!


     'Thank God, I'm not carrying a cup of coffee,' I heard a voice from my behind.  We were at a restaurant 'Daspalla' to have lunch.  Having ordered a North Indian thali, we were waiting for the waiters to serve us.
     I turned back and much to my surprise, it was the same coffee girl I screamed at in Hyderabad.
     The world's so small I said to myself.
     'Hey,' I said aloud,'What a pleasant surprise!'
     'I hope it is,' she said, 'her brows peaked and smiling weirdly. I laughed.
     'Ofcourse, it is,' I said, 'What are you doing here?'
     'Holiday!' she said, excitedly, 'with friends!'
     'And you,' she added quickly.
     'My friend, Karthik has an interview here,' I said pointing him.
     'Hi Karthik,' she said, 'Have you wondered something?'
     'What?'
     'We dont know each others name,' she giggled.
     'Sumeeth,' I offered for a handshake.
     'Aminy,' she shook my hand, 'can call me Ami.'
     'These are my friends,' she said looking at the group of girls, 'Lavi, Saritha, Anvesha, Jagruthi.' And he's Sumeeth and that's Karhtik.' she added introducing us.
     I said 'hi' to each one of them and so did Karthik.  They responded with hearty smiles.
     They all were pretty, but still couldn't hold my attention.  'There she comes,' said one of her friends (couldn't pick up the right name among those options) gesturing at the door.
     I saw translucent glass door pushed open and then everything was slow motioned.  A girl entered the dining hall, her hair covering most part of her face because of the fan placed just beside; she cleanly removed them from obstructing the face and bounced it back to her head.
 Is that her?!! my heart jumped, I could feel the void in my chest. Is that her?!! it jumped again. I looked at Karthik, his mouth fell open and his eyes were filled with excitement. She walked slowly towards us.
'She is...,' she said, my heart throbbing intensely, 'my friend,' I could feel the cool sweat on my feet, 'Aishwarya.'
   

Wednesday 18 April 2012

I just...fell for her...!! (part 2)

'You must be crazy,' Karthik shook his head.
'You bet I'm,' I said my eyes on her pic.
'Its impractical, Sumeet,' he said slowly helping himself on a nearby chair.
'What's impractical?'
'Your "love story",' he said, quoting with his fingers.
'Don't discourage me if you can't help me,' I retorted.
'But what makes you think that you'll meet her?'
'I don't know,' I said, 'she'll just walk into my life, I guess.' I smiled.
'Look at your eyes,' he jumped near me, 'don't tell me you haven't slept all night.'
'Man, she just doesn't let me sleep,' I said, 'look at her eyes, they are so captivating.'
'You know what, I wouldn't be surprised if you end up in an asylum,' he said and left me with her, err her pic.

A week passed, but never a moment when my eyes left her image. She was always in my eyes!
'What the hell?' I murmured, a bit louder.
'What happened?' asked Karthik.
'I don't know!' I said defeatedly, 'I'm not able to access her profile.'
'Oh,' was the Karthik's response.
'I tried it for, like, 50 times since yesterday night,' I complained. He gave me a confused look and I resumed my  trails.
'Hmm, Sumeet,' he called sheepishly, 'I need to talk to you about something.'
'About what?' I asked, my attention still towards the screen.
'Ehm...lets go out,I mean, have some coffee...'
'What did you screw up?' I snapped him short and gave a suspicious look. He shook his head and we were in a coffee shop after 15 minute.


                                               
'What in hell made you do that?' I roared, 'were you out of your mind?'
'I was just trying to help,' he said innocently.
'How?' I screamed, 'by messing it up?'
He stood infront of me like an accused waiting for his sentence. This is what he told me that left me fuming:
After I saw how deeply you were involved in this thing, I went to Sakeena asking her a small favor of introducing you to that girl of yours. I seriously thought that she would help. But instead she shot back, 'I will never let you and your friends near any of my friends,' she said, rather shouted.
'Please Sakeena, he really loves this girl.'
'Yeah right,' she said sarcastically, 'I know what love is for you.'
'Hey look, whatever happened between you and me was...'
'Just get lost,' were her last words after which I walked out.


And thanks to my friends help, Sakeena blocked me on facebook; Aishwarya secured her profile from popping up during the searches. Now the only picture I had of her was in my eyes. I was sad, angry and frustrated-all at the same time. I shouldn't have told anyone about her I kept saying that in my mind. I started blaming everyone around - Sakeena, for being such a pain; Karthik, for screwing it up; myself, for falling in love with her; Mark Zuckerberg, for creating facebook; God, for...
'Ouch!!' I groaned, putting a brake to my train of thoughts and also realizing that no matter how thick your jeans is, a hot coffee can still penetrate through it!
'I'm sorry,' said a girl, holding two cups of coffee-one half filled now. She had a pleasing smile, may be, that pissed me off a bit more. 'I'm really sorry,' she repeated.
'Why not throw the remaining coffee on my face?' I shouted.
'Hey, I said sorry!' she said, irritated.
'This must be the reason, perhaps, that its burning more now.'
'I can't believe it,' she said before leaving for her table.
'You OK now,' asked Karthik after sometime.
'It was the only way I could've seen her,' I whined.
'I'm sorry.'
'You don't have to be. Lets go,' I said and started walking towards the door, I stopped in an instant, turned back and walked to that girl's table, I just screamed at.
'Hey,' I smiled. Before she could say anything, which she was ready for, 'I'm sorry. I just lost myself then,' I said.
I don't whether it was my smile or genuine apology but her sour expressions turned normal.
'Actually I'm supposed to be apologizing,' she said slowly, 'I should've been more careful.'
'Its OK.'
She was staring at the dark patch her coffee let on my jeans. 'Don't tell me you want your coffee back,'I teased, pointing at the stain.
She laughed. I joined her. I left after bading her bye. 'So you owe me a cup of coffee now,' she said on my back.
'Only half a cup,' I said and vanished.
'May be you were right,' I told Karthik, as we walked down the stairs. He looked at me. 'It really is an impractical love story,' I said.
'Don't lose heart,' he assured, 'she'll just walk into your life!!' 

I wasn't sure if he was pulling my leg or really meant it. I just wish those words become true I said to myself.

Monday 9 April 2012

I just...fell for her...!! (part 1)

 'I think I'm in love with her,' I said to my friend.
'Wow,' he exclaimed,'when did you meet her?'
'Never,' I said.  He gave me a look.
'When did you talk to her?' he asked.
'Never,' I said again, sheepishly.
'Does she know you? Oh wait! Do you know her atleast?'
I shook my head.
He looked at me bewildered. He fell short of words, but his eyes were filled with questions ready to dart me.
'Then?' he managed to speak, 'How?'
I shrugged. 'I donno,' I said, ' I just... fell for her.'

                                                              

Few months ago,
     I was peeking at the pictures of a girl in my friends list and a fancy comment caught my eye.
'Madness pple!' was the comment embellished among lots of smileys and exclamatory.  It was authored by some Aishwarya Rowkar.  The profile crasher I was, it wasn't hard for me to intrude in her account.  I instinctively clicked on her name and appeared her wall.
     Her cover picture came as a surprise.  There she was sitting beside a guy, hiding her face in his  chest.  'Nothing much.. just wasn't ready' was tagged to the picture. It clearly stated that they both were in love with each other. She striked to me as a completely different person, may be because where people try to hide their relationships, she went a step further and posted to picture of her and her beloved's as a cover picture.
     'Whoa!' I said to myself, 'What a bold girl!'
I clicked on her profile picture, but they were was locked.
'Satisfy yourself with cover pictures,' I thought.
I saw all her pics(cover) and read each and every comment. she seemed very much in love with him, Adni'k was his name!
I barged into Adnik's a/c.  He was a California returned and was trying his hand at DJing and rapping. He was quiet handsome guy, which made me made me envious.
I visited her profile again next day and the next day and the next day and again. It became a habit to look at her pic.  Her bright eyes held mine, capturing my sight. Her hairs hypnotized me to touch them.  Her lips made me feel how lonely mine are!!
And before I knew I was in love with her!!

'How can you love someone you know nothing about?' asked my friend.
'I donno,' I said plainly.
'What do you know then?' he asked irritated.
'She has a boyfriend.'
'What a bonus!' he mocked.
 I smiled.
'Couldn't you find a normal, I mean, single girl to love?'
I kept silence.
Did you check the info in her account?' he asked after some awkward silence between us.
'Yeah but it has nothing more than her gender,' I said.
'Aren't there any mutual friends?'
'There is one,' I replied hesitantly.
'One positive thing in your story,' he said, 'Thank God for that. Who's that?'
'Sakeena Rawat.'
'No way! I can't ask her.' he jumped up from the chair. 
Sakeena was the girl my friend,  Karthik, proposed last month and she rejected, thanks to the playboy image he has.  And there was no way she will say anything to him after he hooked her best friend!(Why people complicate their lives??!!). And me? She hated me from our first meet. Still she obliged me by accepting my friend request, of course after my fifth attempt!!
'I know. That's why I never asked you,' I said. Now it was his turn to be silent.
I looked at her pic again, 'I'll find you someday!' I said.

(Its not the end....remaining parts will be posted soon...so don't forget to come again...!!)

Monday 19 March 2012

Matter of hearts : Experiencing the heartbreak...!!!

                          'What is it?' asked my friend. My eyes were wet and voice choking. May be he understood that I wanted some quiet time; he didn't speak a word and sat beside me, silently.
                          'Don't keep any hopes on  me,' she said when I proposed her,'I don't believe in love.'
                           'You'll love me one day,' I said,' I shall wait until then.' I smiled and left.
                           I waited for her for five months, but never knew that I'll be paid such a reward for it. I  was walking in our college corridor when I heard a giggle through a narrow slit near the window. I peeped inside through the glass and my heart broke. She was kissing a guy! I love you my eyes read her lips. They hugged each other and my feelings were crumpled. I moved from there and sat on the stairs.

                                 
         
 
                                              
                               Why the hell did I fall in love with her, if she wasn't supposed to be mine? I wanted to shout. I was to be there I thought I was to be the one holding her. My lips were to be on hers. My hand was to be in her hand. I wanted to scream, I wanted to abuse, I wanted to cry ! But I sat silently, I couldn't stop tears escaping from my eyes, though!!
                                I slapped myself for dreaming about her, I slapped once again for waiting for her, I slapped hard for loving her!! Still it couldn't ease my pain. Though my cheeks were paining, my heart ache was harder to bear.
                                This is how it feels, may be, when someone you love loves someone else!! Your world seems stopped and heart beat not wanting to continue any more. Only thing that feels moving is their image in your mind.
                                'You OK now?' asked my friend.
                                I nodded. I have to be OK with this now I thought I have to live with this broken heart now !


                           'It feels much better now,' I said to his questioning eyes. I was narrating my friend the emotional breakdown that I went through few years ago and the similar one that he's experiencing now.
                            Everyone should go through it- the heart break-once in their life time, only then they'll understand importance of being loved and of those who love them...!!!

Wednesday 29 February 2012

Matter of hearts:Forgive and Live...!!!

     I was feeling uncomfortable in her presence, but I couldn't leave.  I wanted to know what made her do that.  It was quite evident that she wasn't too comfortable; smiling tentatively, "How are you?' she asked.
'I'm okay,' I said, more hesitantly.  I looked at her; the same face, the one I was so hooked to that it was hard for me to take my eyes off. But now having a glance at her, seemed a kind of adventure that I didn't want to attempt.  But then again I had to see if she was happy, without me.  Her eyes shone bright, but that innocence she once had was missing.  Even though I knew her much better, she still seemed like a stranger to me.  The more I was with her, the more past was pulling me in.  An image of my tears in hands flashed infront of my eyes.
'I must go,' I said getting up abruptly.
'Now,' she asked looking up from her coffee cup, surprised.
'Yea, its quite urgent. Bye,' I said and left before she could say anything.
I regretted meeting her. Why did I meet her? I scolded myself, Why did she do that to me? came the second question to my mind. I loved her with all my heart. I did everything to make her happy. I always looked for ways to bring smile to her face. And what was I rewarded for it? Tears! Pain! Trauma! Why did she do that? came the question again to my mind.
                                                           

'I got attracted to him,'she said then,' I know what I did is wrong and I'm really sorry for it,' she added, couple of tears escaping her eyes.
Attracted?? Was that attraction so strong that it made you forget my love and leave me? I wanted to say Will  your sorry compensate the agony I went through? I had tears in my eyes and it no image this time.
'She wasn't worth your tears,' said my heart,'she doesn't deserve them.'
'They are not in my control,' I replied.
'Of course they are,' said my heart,' all you have to do to stop your tears is to just FORGIVE that person!!'
I sat silent for sometime and then asked,'Will that help? But how should I forgive her?'
'Its easy,'said the heart again,' just let go off the grudge and hatred.'
I thought for all night. The very next day I called her. 'Hey, thanks for meeting. Felt good,' I said.
Yes, it really feels good!!!
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