How far I've come: Goodbye to someone I've been holding onto!!

Hi,

   (I wasted about an hour thinking how I should address you when I finally realized you don’t mean anything to me now)

   You must be wondering how I gathered courage or sensibility to write about the feeling that has tested my sanity and nearly devastated my beliefs. You just came into my life, without even a brief sign of it, not even as much as of breeze of air. Little did I know what you were to become to me. 

                                                                               

   I never thought that, one day, my call list would contain only your number; I still remember the day we shared our numbers. We had already met two times before through our common friends. Our clothes matched both the times. The secret glances we both stole of each other and the hushed smiles.

   When you first called me that evening and told me you were checking if I gave you the right number; I was about to call you that same evening, which I later confessed.

   Our casual good morning and good night texts that, with time, became long and incomplete – no amount of words could complete our thoughts. Our calls that started with minutes extended to hours, but still couldn’t contain our talks. Every bye was followed by an urge to call you again, to listen to your voice again and to talk to you again. Every morning I used to plan and jot out few extra minutes for you!

   The first time our hands touched, fingers actually. I had suggested that we walk instead of taking a bus, it wasn’t an ideal set up for a walk – a highway with vehicles honking forever with scorching sun upon us and every kind of pollution around us – but still, with you beside me, it was enough! We talked about every silly and sensible thing and then that moment when our fingers brushed against each other and then you tangling yours with mine. We looked at each other and that was the first time ever I felt I could hold the time right there for eternity!

   I wanted the rest of my life, every moment of it, with you!

   But may be that wasn’t supposed to be.

   The way you abandoned me, left me fighting the demons of my life, our love, all alone. I stood against the world for you, and you couldn’t stand for your own self!

   I still waited for you, hoping you would come back, feeling my love has the power to bring you back – but today I laugh at myself for my stupidity.

   I don’t know if I could give anyone the place I gave you; however, I’m sure that it’s not for you anymore!

   I’m not writing this for you, but for me. Not to say goodbye to you, but for the you I’ve been holding on in my heart, in my life!

   May be it was just not meant with you,

   Goodbye!!

From someone you’ve lost forever!