I just...fell for her...!! (part 2)

'You must be crazy,' Karthik shook his head.
'You bet I'm,' I said my eyes on her pic.
'Its impractical, Sumeet,' he said slowly helping himself on a nearby chair.
'What's impractical?'
'Your "love story",' he said, quoting with his fingers.
'Don't discourage me if you can't help me,' I retorted.
'But what makes you think that you'll meet her?'
'I don't know,' I said, 'she'll just walk into my life, I guess.' I smiled.
'Look at your eyes,' he jumped near me, 'don't tell me you haven't slept all night.'
'Man, she just doesn't let me sleep,' I said, 'look at her eyes, they are so captivating.'
'You know what, I wouldn't be surprised if you end up in an asylum,' he said and left me with her, err her pic.

A week passed, but never a moment when my eyes left her image. She was always in my eyes!
'What the hell?' I murmured, a bit louder.
'What happened?' asked Karthik.
'I don't know!' I said defeatedly, 'I'm not able to access her profile.'
'Oh,' was the Karthik's response.
'I tried it for, like, 50 times since yesterday night,' I complained. He gave me a confused look and I resumed my  trails.
'Hmm, Sumeet,' he called sheepishly, 'I need to talk to you about something.'
'About what?' I asked, my attention still towards the screen.
'Ehm...lets go out,I mean, have some coffee...'
'What did you screw up?' I snapped him short and gave a suspicious look. He shook his head and we were in a coffee shop after 15 minute.

                                               
'What in hell made you do that?' I roared, 'were you out of your mind?'
'I was just trying to help,' he said innocently.
'How?' I screamed, 'by messing it up?'
He stood infront of me like an accused waiting for his sentence. This is what he told me that left me fuming:
After I saw how deeply you were involved in this thing, I went to Sakeena asking her a small favor of introducing you to that girl of yours. I seriously thought that she would help. But instead she shot back, 'I will never let you and your friends near any of my friends,' she said, rather shouted.
'Please Sakeena, he really loves this girl.'
'Yeah right,' she said sarcastically, 'I know what love is for you.'
'Hey look, whatever happened between you and me was...'
'Just get lost,' were her last words after which I walked out.

And thanks to my friends help, Sakeena blocked me on facebook; Aishwarya secured her profile from popping up during the searches. Now the only picture I had of her was in my eyes. I was sad, angry and frustrated-all at the same time. I shouldn't have told anyone about her I kept saying that in my mind. I started blaming everyone around - Sakeena, for being such a pain; Karthik, for screwing it up; myself, for falling in love with her; Mark Zuckerberg, for creating facebook; God, for...
'Ouch!!' I groaned, putting a brake to my train of thoughts and also realizing that no matter how thick your jeans is, a hot coffee can still penetrate through it!
'I'm sorry,' said a girl, holding two cups of coffee-one half filled now. She had a pleasing smile, may be, that pissed me off a bit more. 'I'm really sorry,' she repeated.
'Why not throw the remaining coffee on my face?' I shouted.
'Hey, I said sorry!' she said, irritated.
'This must be the reason, perhaps, that its burning more now.'
'I can't believe it,' she said before leaving for her table.
'You OK now,' asked Karthik after sometime.
'It was the only way I could've seen her,' I whined.
'I'm sorry.'
'You don't have to be. Lets go,' I said and started walking towards the door, I stopped in an instant, turned back and walked to that girl's table, I just screamed at.
'Hey,' I smiled. Before she could say anything, which she was ready for, 'I'm sorry. I just lost myself then,' I said.
I don't whether it was my smile or genuine apology but her sour expressions turned normal.
'Actually I'm supposed to be apologizing,' she said slowly, 'I should've been more careful.'
'Its OK.'
She was staring at the dark patch her coffee let on my jeans. 'Don't tell me you want your coffee back,'I teased, pointing at the stain.
She laughed. I joined her. I left after bading her bye. 'So you owe me a cup of coffee now,' she said on my back.
'Only half a cup,' I said and vanished.
'May be you were right,' I told Karthik, as we walked down the stairs. He looked at me. 'It really is an impractical love story,' I said.
'Don't lose heart,' he assured, 'she'll just walk into your life!!' 
I wasn't sure if he was pulling my leg or really meant it. I just wish those words become true I said to myself.

I just...fell for her...!! (part 1)

 'I think I'm in love with her,' I said to my friend.
'Wow,' he exclaimed,'when did you meet her?'

'Never,' I said.  He gave me a look.

'When did you talk to her?' he asked.

'Never,' I said again, sheepishly.

'Does she know you? Oh wait! Do you know her atleast?'

I shook my head.

He looked at me bewildered. He fell short of words, but his eyes were filled with questions ready to dart me.

'Then?' he managed to speak, 'How?'

I shrugged. 'I donno,' I said, ' I just... fell for her.'

                                                              

Few months ago,

     I was peeking at the pictures of a girl in my friends list and a fancy comment caught my eye.

'Madness pple!' was the comment embellished among lots of smileys and exclamatory.  It was authored by some Aishwarya Rowkar.  The profile crasher I was, it wasn't hard for me to intrude in her account.  I instinctively clicked on her name and appeared her wall.

     Her cover picture came as a surprise.  There she was sitting beside a guy, hiding her face in his  chest.  'Nothing much.. just wasn't ready' was tagged to the picture. It clearly stated that they both were in love with each other. She striked to me as a completely different person, may be because where people try to hide their relationships, she went a step further and posted to picture of her and her beloved's as a cover picture.

     'Whoa!' I said to myself, 'What a bold girl!'

I clicked on her profile picture, but they were was locked.

'Satisfy yourself with cover pictures,' I thought.

I saw all her pics(cover) and read each and every comment. she seemed very much in love with him, Adni'k was his name!

I barged into Adnik's a/c.  He was a California returned and was trying his hand at DJing and rapping. He was quiet handsome guy, which made me made me envious.

I visited her profile again next day and the next day and the next day and again. It became a habit to look at her pic.  Her bright eyes held mine, capturing my sight. Her hairs hypnotized me to touch them.  Her lips made me feel how lonely mine are!!

And before I knew I was in love with her!!

'How can you love someone you know nothing about?' asked my friend.

'I donno,' I said plainly.

'What do you know then?' he asked irritated.

'She has a boyfriend.'

'What a bonus!' he mocked.

 I smiled.

'Couldn't you find a normal, I mean, single girl to love?'

I kept silence.

Did you check the info in her account?' he asked after some awkward silence between us.

'Yeah but it has nothing more than her gender,' I said.

'Aren't there any mutual friends?'

'There is one,' I replied hesitantly.

'One positive thing in your story,' he said, 'Thank God for that. Who's that?'

'Sakeena Rawat.'

'No way! I can't ask her.' he jumped up from the chair. 

Sakeena was the girl my friend,  Karthik, proposed last month and she rejected, thanks to the playboy image he has.  And there was no way she will say anything to him after he hooked her best friend!(Why people complicate their lives??!!). And me? She hated me from our first meet. Still she obliged me by accepting my friend request, of course after my fifth attempt!!

'I know. That's why I never asked you,' I said. Now it was his turn to be silent.

I looked at her pic again, 'I'll find you someday!' I said.

(Its not the end....remaining parts will be posted soon...so don't forget to come again...!!)

Matter of hearts : Experiencing the heartbreak...!!!

                          'What is it?' asked my friend. My eyes were wet and voice choking. May be he understood that I wanted some quiet time; he didn't speak a word and sat beside me, silently.

                          'Don't keep any hopes on  me,' she said when I proposed her,'I don't believe in love.'

                           'You'll love me one day,' I said,' I shall wait until then.' I smiled and left.
                           I waited for her for five months, but never knew that I'll be paid such a reward for it. I  was walking in our college corridor when I heard a giggle through a narrow slit near the window. I peeped inside through the glass and my heart broke. She was kissing a guy! I love you my eyes read her lips. They hugged each other and my feelings were crumpled. I moved from there and sat on the stairs.

                                           
                                               
                               Why the hell did I fall in love with her, if she wasn't supposed to be mine? I wanted to shout. I was to be there I thought I was to be the one holding her. My lips were to be on hers. My hand was to be in her hand. I wanted to scream, I wanted to abuse, I wanted to cry ! But I sat silently, I couldn't stop tears escaping from my eyes, though!!

                                I slapped myself for dreaming about her, I slapped once again for waiting for her, I slapped hard for loving her!! Still it couldn't ease my pain. Though my cheeks were paining, my heart ache was harder to bear.

                                This is how it feels, may be, when someone you love loves someone else!! Your world seems stopped and heart beat not wanting to continue any more. Only thing that feels moving is their image in your mind.

                                'You OK now?' asked my friend.

                                I nodded. I have to be OK with this now I thought I have to live with this broken heart now !

                           'It feels much better now,' I said to his questioning eyes. I was narrating my friend the emotional breakdown that I went through few years ago and the similar one that he's experiencing now.
                            Everyone should go through it- the heart break-once in their life time, only then they'll understand importance of being loved and of those who love them...!!!

Matter of hearts:Forgive and Live...!!!

     I was feeling uncomfortable in her presence, but I couldn't leave.  I wanted to know what made her do that.  It was quite evident that she wasn't too comfortable; smiling tentatively, "How are you?' she asked.
'I'm okay,' I said, more hesitantly.  I looked at her; the same face, the one I was so hooked to that it was hard for me to take my eyes off. But now having a glance at her, seemed a kind of adventure that I didn't want to attempt.  But then again I had to see if she was happy, without me.  Her eyes shone bright, but that innocence she once had was missing.  Even though I knew her much better, she still seemed like a stranger to me.  The more I was with her, the more past was pulling me in.  An image of my tears in hands flashed infront of my eyes.

'I must go,' I said getting up abruptly.
'Now,' she asked looking up from her coffee cup, surprised.
'Yea, its quite urgent. Bye,' I said and left before she could say anything.
I regretted meeting her. Why did I meet her? I scolded myself, Why did she do that to me? came the second question to my mind. I loved her with all my heart. I did everything to make her happy. I always looked for ways to bring smile to her face. And what was I rewarded for it? Tears! Pain! Trauma! Why did she do that? came the question again to my mind.
                                                           

'I got attracted to him,'she said then,' I know what I did is wrong and I'm really sorry for it,' she added, couple of tears escaping her eyes.
Attracted?? Was that attraction so strong that it made you forget my love and leave me? I wanted to say Will  your sorry compensate the agony I went through? I had tears in my eyes and it no image this time.
'She wasn't worth your tears,' said my heart,'she doesn't deserve them.'
'They are not in my control,' I replied.
'Of course they are,' said my heart,' all you have to do to stop your tears is to just FORGIVE that person!!'
I sat silent for sometime and then asked,'Will that help? But how should I forgive her?'
'Its easy,'said the heart again,' just let go off the grudge and hatred.'
I thought for all night. The very next day I called her. 'Hey, thanks for meeting. Felt good,' I said.
Yes, it really feels good!!!

Matter of hearts:Erasing memories...!!!

                 'Everytime I see this place, my heart burns,' said my friend; I was standing in our college corridor. I gave him a confused look. 'This was the place,' he pointed me at the ground, a few steps away, 'I proposed her right there.'

                'Its been an year, bro,' I placed my hand on his shoulder,'you need to move on.'

                'Yeah, Its been an year, but still I'm not able to get over her. She is in every thought of mine.' He was close to tears. I gripped him tighter, it wasn't enough to hold his emotions. I saw the tears brimming his eyes and thereby pushed each other out. He wiped them midway and turned away from me. 'I wish I had an eraser for memories,' he said before I saw him walking away.

                 His wish sounded familiar to me. Even I wished for an eraser that could just wipe off those hurting memories from our lives. I wouldn't be surprised if you feel the same way. We all have memories- some we want to relive and some others we never want to remember. The best thing about our mind is it preserves all our pleasant moments, and the worst thing is it never removes the bad ones. Mind is not to be blamed though, how is it supposed to know what pleases us and what doesn't.

                                     
                                                    

                  'I forget everything and start afresh.' I often hear this and I myself said this quite a few times. But do we really forget everything? Do we really start everything from the scratch? Can we?

                  No! We don't start anything afresh. We just believe that nothing ever happened before. We try to overlook our past. We restrict ourselves from turning back and keep believing that there's nothing left behind. We just fool ourselves!! But the harsh truth is-we never forget anything, all we do is just ignore it! And believe me that's the only best we can do!!
                 Memories are like leaves.  When a leaf is abandoned from the tree, it falls on the ground, gets trampled by the people, scatters along with the wind and finally it is buried making everyone forget of its existence.Same is with memories if you want to forget some moments of your life just ignore it, don't just ignore it trample it with other memories and bury it deep in your heart. Never let it breath because if it breaths it will suffocate your being.
                  I once promised myself that I'll never think about this girl, never look at her. Everything went fine until one day in our college-I was standing in our college ground. Don't know but I just turned back, she was standing at a distance; sun rays were falling on her and she shone even more. Like always she didn't notice that I was noticing her. My conscience was shouting from inside,'Take your eyes off her!!' I was trying to, I swear, I tried but it was like a spell, and I was losing myself...again!! All the moments of mine with her rose from their graves-her smiling at me, her talking flashed in my eyes again. My efforts of forgetting her were ruined and I'm the one responsible.
                 Memories once written can never be erased no matter how hard you try!! You can never forget some moments, all you can do is just fool yourself that you do. Because some Matter of hearts cannot be removed!!!